Evaluating 007
by Medie
Summary: very AU. genderbender 007, it should be known, is rather regarded as a terror 'round the psychiatric branch.


Title: Evaluating 007  
Author: M.  
Feedback: hehe...all depends.  
Rating: eh, PG13  
Disclaimer: Don't own what I don't own. Do own what I do.  
Summary: 007, it should be known, is rather regarded as a terror 'round the psychiatric branch.  
Keywords: Alternate universe. Epilogue of sorts to Die Another Day. evil cackle  
Author's Note: Consider this a thank you in pure medie fashion to the absolutely and amazingly wonderful surprise you all engineered for me on in **fandomroast** you have no idea how touched and absolutely gobsmacked that left me. 

"Evaluating 007"  
by M.  
-------  
"Ah there you are, 007. Please, sit down."

With a polite nod, the MI6 agent took a seat and waited with reigned patience. Poorly feigned. Which, the evaluator took for what it was. Irritation. 

"Now, I do understand your irritation with these matters, 007 but you must understand our point of view on this. You spent well over a year - "

"Fourteen months to be exact." Was the curt interruption then the agent fell silent once more.

"Yes, precisely, fourteen months." He nodded and made a note. A subtle flicker of the agent's gaze toward the paper said the notation did not escape notice. "Fourteen months in the, er, custody of the North Korean government as a suspected enemy agent. Upon your release you promptly escaped the medical facility in which you were being held, made your way to Hong Kong and set yourself off on quite the adventure in pursuit of a gentleman..."

Bond snorted indelicately. "I would hardly call him a gentleman."

"Very well then, what would you call him, 007?"

A smirk settled on the agent's face. "Nothing you would be able to record or make a notation of. You were saying?"

"Yes, well, I was saying that you set yourself off on quite the adventure to clear your record as it were. Ended up saving the majority of the free world and revealing a double agent within our ranks in the process."

"One does try." Bond tossed off in a casual attempt of modesty, adjusting the cuff of one sleeve.

"Mmm...one does try but, surely 007, one does not require things to advance to such a disastrous level? M, may I point out, was very nearly killed by the, er, death ray."

The evaluator's phrasing earned a soft chuckle. "The Icarus device was stopped before ever endangering M. Relax, Doctor. I'm well aware of the invaluable status of our beloved leader." A less than subtle glance in the direction of the watch. "Now, I do hate to hurry you but I do have a meeting with Q and a flight to catch."

"Both for an operation upon which your involvement depends upon what I determine your mental status to be." The psychiatrist warned.

Bond sighed in acquiescence and with perfect British aplomb, gestured for him to continue. "Do go on then."

With more than a little aggravation in the gesture, he made another note and realized why one of his coworkers had snickered when he'd discovered just whose evaluation he was undertaking. 007 was regarded as somewhat of an unholy terror in the psych branch. "Now that I have your co-operation, I'd like to discuss something with you."

"Well, I was under the impression we were discussing my mental status." The agent supplied oh-so-helpfully with more than a little amusement in the response.

"And that would be our focus indeed. However, I was hoping to focus on one particular aspect of it." Consulting the file, the evaluator leaned forward. "I've reviewed the results of your medical reports from the examinations. You emerged in extremely good shape, all things considered..."

"Yes, well, I wouldn't recommend the exercise regimen. It's a little strict for some."

"Mm, I'm sure it is. Fourteen months of torture would be viewed as quite extreme by most." Making another note, the evaluator continued. "You really should have been debriefed before..." The look Bond gave him ended that sentence rather quickly. "You, ahem, escaped. Yes, well, back to what I was saying, you immediately went back into the field but I am concerned about the effect your time in capture may have had on your psyche. You may have some difficulty insinuating yourself back into ordinary society."

Bond lifted a brow. "I believe I have already settled in again quite nicely. You'd be amazed at the restorative powers that a martini and a shower can have upon a person."

"I'm sure I would be." His pen moved toward the file again but promptly lost his pen. "I'm sorry?"

"Do stop doing that, Doctor." The agent before him tossed the pen onto the desk. "I'm finding that particular habit of yours quite distracting. Now, you were dancing about my mental state. If you would be so kind as to get to the point, you'll have me in hot water with Q if you keep me much longer and I don't need to point out that with the Q section, that can be quite literal."

"Indeed I don't. You, I hear, are usually the one to cause them to turn up the heat over there." With a sigh, the evaluator straightened up. "All right, 007, let's get to the point. Frankly, I'm concerned about your ability to function in the field. You were tortured quite severely. The psychological effects of that..."

"Doctor," Bond chided, voice dropping to a silken purr which made the hairs on the back of his neck stand up. "Are you asking me if I'm afraid?" Without waiting for a response, the infamous agent continued, "Whether or not I am afraid is irrelevant to my job. The fact of the matter is, I have been raised almost from infancy to perform my duty for Queen and Country and I can assure you that I do so with little regard to my own mental state."

"Yes, well, 007 that would be part of the problem. You seem to be quite unpredictable when it comes to your responses. You've developed quite the mercurial nature."

"It depends, really." 

"On?"

"On who's the one doing the predicting. All due respect but, the majority of the psych branch has had little success in predicting my responses to, shall we say, certain stimuli. M, however, has proven herself imminently capable in such matters."

"Indeed, and what, 007 would that say to you?"

Jane Bond smirked lightly and stood. "Quite simply, Doctor, there are some things that require a woman's touch." She patted him gently on the cheek. "Time's up." Turning toward the door, she stopped when her hand touched the knob. "You really wish to know what I'm afraid of?"

"Yes, 007, I would."

Her smile was charming as she answered, "I'll let you know just as soon as I find it."

And that, as they say, is that.

Finis


End file.
